Why…

“Why is it so hard to love ourselves?” – Finding Vangie

Sometimes I get really sad and hard on myself.

I start to question myself worth.

I hear voices in my head telling me that I am not good enough.

I wonder what does he see in me, and why does he go so hard for me?

Why is he constantly choosing me?

Why do I feel that I want to be alone and just do me?

But as soon as I am alone I overflow with tears and loneliness.

Why am I like this?

Sometimes I think, the best thing for me to do is to stay low, out of the way, and focus.

Spirit, please be my guide! Please be my light in this darkness because sometimes I feel completely lost.

Like I am worth nothing.

I don’t want my worth to be defined by another person… but then you see me yearning to be defined by another person.

I am always clinging to something outside of myself and I hate it.

Why cant I love myself the way I desperately want to be loved?

Why am I constantly looking for myself outside of myself?

I want to put myself FIRST!

I want to love myself so much that I do not care who leaves.

I get really down on myself.

What is my calling? What do I need to do to be happy?

Why must I always question myself? Why can’t I get my shit together?

Why do I get so insecure around certain women?

This entry is going to be called “Why” because I still don’t understand why am I so damaged?

Who did not love me when I was growing up? Who did I yearn for the most?

And how do I heal myself?

If I am a creator, and my voice along with my frequency creates my reality, then I will figure myself out.

Its not easy being this vulnerable.

Xoxo,

Finding Vangie

Be Grateful..

“I’m very blessed, thankful, grateful for the opportunities I’ve had” – Christen Press

The other day I was listening to @Imansss on IG and she was talking about the energy we give when spending money.

She talked about how when we spend money we sometimes look at it in a negatively .

For example, I could tell myself “Ugh, I have to use this $20 to put gas in my car, I could use it for something else”.. and how just changing your mindset about spending money can change your life.

She said, when you spend your money, thank your money, and see how it comes back to you 10 fold. And she was not lying!

So I tried it out.

Earlier in the day I saw an ad on YouTube about Taco Bells new Cheddar Chalupa.. then I saw the same ad again while working out. So I decided to you go.

When I got in the drive thru I told myself I will not over indulge, and I ordered one Cheddar Chalupa.. my total came up to $2.66. When I get to the window, the drive thru guy took my card and ran it as normal.. he hands me back the receipt, and he says “I come baring gifts” and hands me a Slurpee, and a bag with two tacos, a quesadilla and loaded nachos..

I had to double check my receipt just to make sure he didn’t charge me for someone else order. The receipt read $2.88. I just thanked him and drove off. I was shook, I cant even lie.

No I didn’t end up getting the Chalupa, but its okay.

This showed me that being grateful for everything in your life is so powerful.

Speaking your gratitude into existence creates ripple effects in the universe, which in return gives one something to be grateful for.

What are you grateful for?

Xoxo,
Finding Vangie

Feel the fear and do it anyways…

“We fear beginnings; we fear endings. We fear changing; we fear “staying stuck.” We fear success; we fear failure. We fear living; we fear dying.”
― Susan Jeffers

I killed it guys… the little voice in my mind that has been pestering me lately… it died last night.

I went to the gym, and worked out the hardest I had in a while, then right after I headed straight to dance class.

I’ve never been to this class before, and I hadn’t been to dance class in over 3 months.

I had so much anxiety. But I pushed through it. I went alone.

And I embrace every feeling my body felt. From being anxious, to being nervous, to feeling like I didn’t know anyone, to then laughing, and vibing, and letting loose.

When Zee (dance instructor) said her class is a “VIBE” she was not lying.

I left class last night feeling free. My mental was clear. I was not thinking any negative thoughts.

I was just in the moment. Happy that I conquered my fears for the day.

Now the question is… what am I going to do today that’s different from what I did yesterday?

Xoxo,

Finding Vangie.

Being spiritual isn’t always pretty..

“It’s only after you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform.”
– Roy T. Bennett

So many people believe that being spiritual is about being positive.

Being spiritual is about allowing yourself to feel, without attaching yourself to your emotions.

This way your allow yourself to grow.

Let your emotions flow through you. Feel whatever it is you need to feel, and let it go.

Holding on to negative emotions only create negative feelings, and thoughts that aren’t healthy.

Cry if you need to, scream if you need to, release all hindering emotions within you.

Its okay to feel.

But make sure to pick yourself up right after.

You are all you got.

Xoxo,

Finding Vangie

Blessings in disguise

Man listen,

Sometimes we stress ourselves out because we really want things to work a certain way.

Little do we know God has something BIGGER and BETTER for us.

We just got to be patient, and our blessings will come.

Sometimes we wonder why something did not work out.

Until you look at things in retrospect, and see that God was really looking out for you.

You don’t need that person in your life because they are only hindering your growth.

Sometimes we have to cut that dead weight, and realize that if that person isn’t putting in effort to better themselves, its time to hit the road… Jack!

We always want things our way or the high way, instead of letting God handle it.

In reality we should just be focusing on bettering ourselves as individuals.

There is no growth in codependency.

There is no growth in gossiping, or nagging.

Growth comes when you look within, and do what makes YOU happy. Not what makes everyone else happy.

We get so caught up on what people may think about us, not realizing we are stopping our growth for other people.

YOU CONTROL YOUR LIFE. You are the decision maker every single day.

Often times, we give our entire lives to other people. People who don’t even really care about your well being, or your growth.

There have been times when I question why somethings didn’t work. Then I sit and think “Damn this person is still doing the same thing they were doing last year, or the year before, no wonder God took them out of my life.”.

Everything happens for a reason.

Just wanted to let you all know, stop giving your life to other people.

Stop living your life for other people.

Stop wondering what are these people going to think if I decide to jump, and do something out of the ordinary.

A lot people won’t understand your dreams and aspirations, and that’s okay, you shouldn’t want them to.

Sometimes they aren’t even aware of their own dreams and aspirations.

Xoxo,

Finding Vangie