There are happy weeks, and sad weeks…
On the happy weeks we live in our laughs, our eyes glistening when we talk.
On the sad weeks we lay in bed and cry ourselves to sleep… or until we feel better.
And in the midst of the up and down we transform ourselves.
Only when we stop and look back is when we recognize our growth.
Life is beautiful.
I always have to remind myself of this because it truly is.
In the midst of the storm the sun always shines..
Keep growing.
Xoxo,
Finding Vangie.
Sometimes I get really sad and hard on myself.
I start to question myself worth.
I hear voices in my head telling me that I am not good enough.
I wonder what does he see in me, and why does he go so hard for me?
Why is he constantly choosing me?
Why do I feel that I want to be alone and just do me?
But as soon as I am alone I overflow with tears and loneliness.
Why am I like this?
Sometimes I think, the best thing for me to do is to stay low, out of the way, and focus.
Spirit, please be my guide! Please be my light in this darkness because sometimes I feel completely lost.
Like I am worth nothing.
I don’t want my worth to be defined by another person… but then you see me yearning to be defined by another person.
I am always clinging to something outside of myself and I hate it.
Why cant I love myself the way I desperately want to be loved?
Why am I constantly looking for myself outside of myself?
I want to put myself FIRST!
I want to love myself so much that I do not care who leaves.
I get really down on myself.
What is my calling? What do I need to do to be happy?
Why must I always question myself? Why can’t I get my shit together?
Why do I get so insecure around certain women?
This entry is going to be called “Why” because I still don’t understand why am I so damaged?
Who did not love me when I was growing up? Who did I yearn for the most?
And how do I heal myself?
If I am a creator, and my voice along with my frequency creates my reality, then I will figure myself out.
Its not easy being this vulnerable.
Xoxo,
Finding Vangie
It’s funny how when you put your foot down and you tell someone no that’s soo accustom to you saying yes they get so angry and they try move you out of your center.
I’m there time and time again and now I’m tired so please understand why now I am starting to put myself first.
It’s not coming out of my ego. It’s coming out of myself. You can not try to guilt trip a person into thinking your way. Please understand my thoughts and respect my desires.
I’ve respected yours for so many days and nights and still I am here. But once I show you that my interest isnt fully on you anymore… instantly it must be because another man… why cant it be because I finally realized who the fuck I really am.
I dont need a man. Yes it would be great to have someone by your side to experience things with.. but that’s not what I came to earth to experience.
I dont say this because I want to hurt you… I am just tired of hurting myself.
That’s all.
Xoxo.
Finding Vangie
Its not easy letting go of people whom you care so much about.
But when you realize that some people are only hindering your growth; rather than assisting your growth, we have to let them go.
If I have to force a conversation with you. If there is tension or any negative vibration with you when communicating; I no longer want to be a part of your life.
I am tired of giving myself to people who could careless about giving themselves to me.
I’ve come to realize people will take, and take from you, with no intentions of giving you anything in return.
This is when knowing your worth is very vital.
I vow to no longer allow myself to get caught up in other peoples bullshit.
I am at a place where I just want to be. Whether that means being alone.
I do not want to go into 2020 stressing over things outside of my control.
I’ve been pretty ghost with writing, but not anymore.
No more letting people get in my way.
Xoxo,
Finding Vangie
Being a woman is one of the most beautiful things in the world.
I know due to Patriarchy we are looked down upon; but it does not take away from our power.
We are beautiful sensitive little flowers, but also could be masculine and strong.
I believe that makes our beauty more profound.
If I had to choose to be a woman or a man.. I’d be a woman a hundred times again.
There is so much to us then just cooking, cleaning, being a mother, or a wife.
We are strong! We can handle anything, and we need to recognize that within us.
We have got to stop looking down on ourselves because of how we think our body should look.
We are beautiful in every way possible.
Never let anyone take your power.
Xoxo,
Finding Vangie.
I started feeling bad yesterday because I did not upload a picture of my daughter on social media for “National Daughters Day”.
& That’s when I had to sit down with myself and have a little talk.
I do not need to be like everyone else. Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean I have to do it too.
The love that I have for my daughter is not determined by me posting her on social media along with a caption that reads “National Daughters Day”.
Everyday is my daughters day.. I love her every single day of my life. From the time that my eyes open up in the morning, until the time my eyes close at night the person in my mind is her.
This goes to say, we don’t always have to follow what others are doing.
Its okay to do you.
Xoxo,
Finding Vangie
The other day I was listening to @Imansss on IG and she was talking about the energy we give when spending money.
She talked about how when we spend money we sometimes look at it in a negatively .
For example, I could tell myself “Ugh, I have to use this $20 to put gas in my car, I could use it for something else”.. and how just changing your mindset about spending money can change your life.
She said, when you spend your money, thank your money, and see how it comes back to you 10 fold. And she was not lying!
So I tried it out.
Earlier in the day I saw an ad on YouTube about Taco Bells new Cheddar Chalupa.. then I saw the same ad again while working out. So I decided to you go.
When I got in the drive thru I told myself I will not over indulge, and I ordered one Cheddar Chalupa.. my total came up to $2.66. When I get to the window, the drive thru guy took my card and ran it as normal.. he hands me back the receipt, and he says “I come baring gifts” and hands me a Slurpee, and a bag with two tacos, a quesadilla and loaded nachos..
I had to double check my receipt just to make sure he didn’t charge me for someone else order. The receipt read $2.88. I just thanked him and drove off. I was shook, I cant even lie.
No I didn’t end up getting the Chalupa, but its okay.
This showed me that being grateful for everything in your life is so powerful.
Speaking your gratitude into existence creates ripple effects in the universe, which in return gives one something to be grateful for.
What are you grateful for?
Xoxo,
Finding Vangie
I killed it guys… the little voice in my mind that has been pestering me lately… it died last night.
I went to the gym, and worked out the hardest I had in a while, then right after I headed straight to dance class.
I’ve never been to this class before, and I hadn’t been to dance class in over 3 months.
I had so much anxiety. But I pushed through it. I went alone.
And I embrace every feeling my body felt. From being anxious, to being nervous, to feeling like I didn’t know anyone, to then laughing, and vibing, and letting loose.
When Zee (dance instructor) said her class is a “VIBE” she was not lying.
I left class last night feeling free. My mental was clear. I was not thinking any negative thoughts.
I was just in the moment. Happy that I conquered my fears for the day.
Now the question is… what am I going to do today that’s different from what I did yesterday?
Xoxo,
Finding Vangie.
Losing yourself in another person is real.
You start forgetting about your own dreams and aspirations just by focusing on another person.
The goal in life is to focus on yourself. To feel your own cup.
I told myself starting today, I will do things that make ME happy.
I have not been to dance in a while. I remember when I first started nobody could stop me.
I was building my confidence and I cared very little what anybody else was doing.
Then I took a break and my thoughts caught up to me.. “What are you doing with your life?”
“Why aren’t you dancing?!” Id hear these thoughts constantly but today I decided to kill them.
I want to kill the negative person inside of me. The one that thinks I can’t achieve my wildest dreams, because I can do ANYTHING!
Here’s to killing the negative you in your mind, and to feeding your spirit with everything that you’ve ever loved.
Xoxo,
Finding Vangie.
Have you ever thought about the concept that if you heal yourself, you can heal the world?
It has been scientifically proven that one can change their environment simply by changing their selves.
Recent studies show that thoughts are energy, and emotions are energy in motion.
Energy can never be created nor destroyed… it could only be transferred, or changed from one form to another.
Therefore, if we are constantly thinking about something (thought – energy) negative, we then begin to feel negative emotions (energy in motion).
Our thoughts, which are energy convert into feelings which are also energy, and that’s what we begin to create outside of ourselves.
This concept also works if you begin to think positively, or intentionally.
Accordingly to Dr. Joe Dispenza, if we train our minds to stop thinking about our past, and train it to start thinking about our future. If we start thinking about the things we want to manifest for ourselves, our legacy, what we want to be known as.. We then start creating those things into our future.
Looking forward, while always arriving.
When we start to change the way we think, we start to change our lives. We start moving differently, talking differently, and thinking differently. We begin to let go of people who hinder our growth, and start attracting the ones that contribute to it.
Change your mind, you change your life.
It all starts with you.
Xoxo,
Finding Vangie
Finding Vangie 